


Hydra's Huntress

by Nightie0914



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky barnes x reader - Freeform, Bucky barnes/reader - Freeform, Civil War Team Captain America, Civil War Team Iron Man, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, F/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has Issues, mcu - Freeform, x Reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-09-21 08:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightie0914/pseuds/Nightie0914
Summary: You were one of Hydra's many experiments. You were grown in a lab and never knew life outside of their torment. Then Natasha found you. She brought you out of the hellhole you resided in and helped you start a new life. After starting over, as fate would have it, you stumbled into another Hydra experiment. One that had a certain metal arm and a tendency to find himself in trouble.





	1. Chapter 1

A low growl reverberated throughout the abandoned warehouse. The concrete walls only amplified the sound. The red-head clinched her fists. There was no hesitation in choosing between fight or flight. She was ready to fight the beast hidden in the belly of the building. Her blue eyes carefully scanned every inch of her surroundings. She stepped lightly and made sure to not make any sound. The red-head knew that the beast was aware of her presence. There was no doubt that it smelled her even before she set foot inside. Nonetheless, she still crept along the shadows.

As she rounded a corner, a flock of birds scattered into the air. They squawked as they rapidly flapped their wings in an escape of the sudden danger. The woman huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. She surveyed the area and found a slightly rusted metal door. When she drew closer, a hiss sounded from the other side. The beast was locked inside. Her flight instincts told her to run away, leave the beast alone. Don't let it out. The other half squandered those thoughts, telling her to go in. She would never be able to live with herself if she left it there. It was already dying. Who knows how long it was abandoned there to suffer. With a grunt, she pushed open the heavy door. 

The beast snarled at the sudden flash of light. The red-head squinted at the cell. A pair of eyes glowed back at her, the light reflecting off of the beast's eyes. "Do you know who I am?" She slowly approached the metal fence separating her from the beast within. She heard the beast suck in a breath. The beast was crouching in the darkness the cell offered. The red-head couldn't see its features.

"The Black Widow-- Red Room's little darling." It sucked in another breath. "We had quite a few missions together, back before you managed to get out." The beast crept into the light and stood to its full height. Natasha's face twitched as pity rocked her to her very core. The beast was a young woman no older than she was. Her hair was matted, and she was skinny beyond belief. It looked as if she hadn't eaten in who knows how long. After all these years, she finally did it. She found you. "Tell me, how did you do it?"

"Well, for starters, I had help." Natasha pulled out a small device. She was able to remove the rusted lock and open the cell door. She looked at the so-called beast and softly called your name. "I never did forget about you. I wanted to get you out, but I wasn't able to track you down. I managed to get a hold of some old Hydra files and stumbled across yours." You blinked at her and took a step back.

"I..." You trailed off, eyeing her suspiciously. 

"Just trust me. There's a lot that you need to be filled in on." The two of you stared at each other for a moment. You looked at the open door and nodded.

"Okay."

 

 

Natasha had taken you back to her apartment. She seemed hellbent on helping you get cleaned up. You stepped into the shower with a shudder and sighed. Your muscles loosened as the hot water hit your skin. You scrubbed every part of your body in an attempt to remove all the dirt and grime from your pores. It took a while, but you somehow managed to get your hair slightly less tangled than it was before. You froze when someone knocked on the door but relaxed upon realizing it was just Natasha. She laid some clean clothes on the bathroom counter and left without a word. 

After you got dressed, you tentatively reached up to the mirror and wiped away the steam that had accumulated on it. You stared at your reflection, tilting your head slightly. You snapped out of your sudden trance as a new scent wafted through the air. Your eyes narrowed as you instinctively growled. You slowly opened the door before stalking through the apartment. "So you just went and picked up one of Hydra's old experiments and brought it back to your home?" 

"Clint, you did the same thing for me, and I felt like I owed it to her. She saved my life on multiple occasions when we were in Hydra," Natasha murmured.

"How do you know she's stable? What if someone starts trying to hunt her down?"

"Then I will deal with the situations as they come up. Her whole life has been hell. She deserves a little relaxation." You slowly crept through the doorway. A man looked past Natasha and stared at you. You bristled under his scrutiny, standing straighter in order to make yourself look taller. Another growl escaped your throat. Natasha held a hand up and called your name. "Hey, it's okay. This is Clint Barton, codename Hawkeye. He's a good friend of mine. You can trust him." You slowly made your way over to the two, warily eyeing him. "He helped me get out." Your shoulders dropped, and your posture relaxed.

"So, like, what exactly... are you?" Natasha pinched the bridge of her nose, ready to clock Clint then and there. 

"I.. don't fully know. Then again, I never really wanted to. My DNA was spliced and combined with the DNA of multiple species of large felines. That's about all I know," you answered with a shrug. Clint raised a brow at Natasha, who shrugged as well. 

"Alright, cool. Good enough for me." He plopped down on the couch. He grabbed a bag from the ground and pulled out a laptop. "Let's get started."

"Are you sure you know how to do this?" Natasha crossed her arms and stared down at Clint. He scoffed.

"Duh, I'm Hackerman. I can easily create a new identity for someone. No biggie."


	2. Chapter 2

_You sat on a cold, metal table. You straightened your posture and neatly folded your hands into your lap. Men and women in lab coats filed into the small room. You blinked up at them, unable to clearly see the details of their faces. A sort of haze shrouded their appearance. "State your identity," one of them commanded. He was German, given his accent. You cleared your throat and told them your name. They shook their heads in unison. "State your identity." Your breath got caught in your throat as you trained your gaze on the floor._

_"Genetic experiment number six-two-six." You glanced back up at the lot standing before you. "Success." They hummed in response._

_"Yes, you were quite successful, weren't you?" This time, a woman spoke. She was Russian. "Your confirmed kill count is quite high, and that's just for the ones you were instructed to kill. Shall I read you the total number of civilians that you killed?" You quickly shook your head. The woman inspected her clipboard and clicked her pen. "Tell me, why did you kill innocent people?" Your mind screamed for you to remain silent. Don't give them information. It won't matter, they'll just use it against you. Your mouth opened, and the words tumbled out before you could stop yourself._

_"They got in the way. I didn't care what happened to them, as long as I completed my mission."_

_"Just think of all the innocent families you've destroyed," the German man hummed. He crossed his arms over his chest. Your eyes widened, and they started burning. Tears were threatening to form, but you tried your hardest to hold them back. "Not to mention all of the orders you blindly followed, killing hundreds on top of that."_

_"I... I didn't... I was different back then. I didn't know I had a choice."_

_"It's a shame, all that blood on your hands." The woman jerked her head in your direction. You slowly lifted your hands into your view. Your fingernails had morphed into sharp claws, and blood was oozing from the palms of your hands. Your chest tightened as you tried to wipe it off, but it kept flowing. It felt as if someone had replaced your heart with a drum. Soon, the blood covered you. No matter what you did, it wouldn't get off of your skin. "Where do you currently reside?" Panic sank down to the bottom of your stomach. You found yourself answering once more._

_"At a safe house in Romania."_

_"Why? What are you trying to run away from?"_

_"Everything." One of the scientists approached you. He wrapped his hands around your neck. You gasped for breath as tears flowed freely down your cheeks. You placed your hands on his arms and attempted to push him away, but it was like your strength had been drained. "Please, stop," you croaked. Without warning, he shoved you downward. You slipped from the table and fell to your knees. You reached up to your neck and felt a metal device around it. You clawed at it in an attempt to get it to release its icy grip on your throat. Another one of the scientists pulled out a smaller device and pressed a button on it while the others jotted down notes on their clipboards. The device around your neck jolted to life as it began to pulse electricity. You shouted in pain as your body convulsed. Black spots began to fill your vision, and you felt yourself slipping away._

 

You sprang up from your bed. Your breathing was erratic, and it felt as if there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. You stumbled through the mostly barren apartment, fatigue still gripping your muscles. You flung yourself onto the small balcony and shuddered at the sudden draft of the cool night air. You sucked in a deep breath. The city's scents filled your nose. You had grown to know your surroundings like the back of your hand, and the city's sounds and smells comforted you in your frantic state. You rubbed your face with a groan. "Fuck," you huffed. "I need a drink."

You glanced at your watch. It was only a few hours until dawn. Not many bars or pubs would be open this early in the morning, but there was one you knew of. The only people that littered the streets were either teenagers sneaking back home or people who had just gotten off of the graveyard shift at work. Sure, the city was large and packed with people, but your little corner of Bucharest was everything you could hope for. The people were nice, for the most part at least, and everyone pretty much minded their own business. You sighed with relief as you grew closer to the bar. Not too far away, a man was crossing the street, clearly not paying attention as he walked right in front of an oncoming car. The driver slammed on breaks and laid on the horn. She poked her head out of the window and shouted at him. He meekly held up a hand before continuing across the road. "Hey, pal," you called out. He stopped slightly turning his head to listen to you. "I can tell you've had a rough night." You nodded your head towards the building beside you. "They shouldn't be too busy, and they've got the best drinks and food you could get at this time of the night." The man nodded slowly. 

"Thanks... I might check it out." You shrugged and pushed the door open, smiling at the warmth the bar offered. The bartender smiled and called out your name, patting the counter in front of an empty seat.

"It's been a while since you've been in!" The corner of your lips twitched upward in a lopsided grin. You gladly took the seat. "The usual?" You nodded and ran a hand through your hair. He placed a glass of scotch in front of you. You took a large gulp and set the glass down with a grunt. The bartender furrowed his brows. "Been one of those nights, huh?"

"You have no idea," you muttered, downing some more of the amber liquid. The familiar warm feeling settled into your stomach. 

"I'd say you need to get wasted, but you've got the strongest alcohol tolerance I've ever seen."

"Unfortunately." Your body momentarily tensed as you heard the door swing open. 

"Hello, sir! What can I getcha?" As you raised the glass to your lips, you turned to face the newcomer and nearly choked on your drink. It was the man from outside, except you could clearly see his face. He tilted his head, staring you down. A spark of recognition crossed his eyes. The glass slipped from your hand and shattered on the floor. You swore and quickly apologized. The bartender shrugged and rounded the corner to clean it up. As he brushed past you, he whispered, "Everything alright?" You nodded.

"Just someone from my past that I'd like to forget." You quickly fumbled through your jacket pockets in search of your wallet, but the bartender waved you off.

"It's on the house." You thanked him before dashing out the door. Your footsteps quickened as you rushed to get home. Your heart had leapt into your chest. You didn't know how he found you, but you needed to get away. You couldn't let the Winter Soldier drag you back to the life you so desperately tried to run away from.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance lol this chapter isn't the best but ya know at least I wrote something ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

You took in a deep breath. His scent was strong, meaning that he wasn't far behind. Without looking back, you zipped down an alleyway. You crouched behind a large trashcan and gritted your teeth. He was determined to follow you, but you weren't going to let him off easily. You'd fight with everything in your body before going back to them. Hydra would have your corpse before they took you again. Away from the street lamps, you had the advantage. The feline bits of your DNA allowed you to have better vision in darkened areas as opposed to normal humans. Then again, the Winter Soldier isn't exactly human, is he? You felt your fingernails morph into claws as your muscles tensed, ready for a fight. 

He cautiously entered the alley. His eyes were still adjusting to the dim lighting as he scanned his surroundings. Without warning, you leapt at him. You caught him off guard, and he tumbled to the ground. You pressed one hand above his throat and held the other in the air. A snarl escaped your lips. "Hello, Huntress." Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him clenching his fists. By the time you registered his actions, he grabbed you by the shoulders and threw you off of himself. The two of you quickly scuttled to your feet. He swung at you. This time, you anticipated it and manage to dodge his blow, landing a few of your own in his side. The soldier huffed. You swung your leg, but he caught you by the calf. He twisted your leg, causing you to stumble. You attempted to steady yourself once more. Your chest was heaving. Anxiety and adrenaline were being pumped throughout your system, leaving havoc in their wake. 

"I'm not going back to Hydra," you both spat. The two of you froze, processing what the other said. You eyed him warily, not letting down your guard. 

"You got out?" He nodded slowly. "How? I thought they did major brainwashing on you." He winced, an action that did not go unnoticed by you.

"They did, but then I ran into someone from my past... and I remembered. Not everything, but I remembered that there was more to life than Hydra's orders." His voice was gruff and full of hatred towards the organization. "What about you? How long have you been out?"

"I had help from a friend about a year ago," you answered simply. He raised a brow at you, and you crossed your arms. Your fingernails had returned to normal. "That's all you're gonna get from me right now. After all, how can I know that you can be trusted?" He broke eye contact, his gaze drifting across the alley.

"I got out a year ago too, and I've been on the run ever since. I'm just... trying to figure out who I am and remember my past." He shoved his hands into his pockets. You felt a twinge of pity inside your chest. Curse those emotions. 

"Okay, alright," you groaned, rubbing your face. "I'm staying in a safe house... er, safe apartment... a couple blocks down. You can stay if you want." His eyes widened as his attention snapped back to you. You stepped forward, jabbing a finger in his chest. "But if I get so much as an inkling of doubt about whose side you're on, I will not hesitate to rip your throat out. Understand?" A small smirk crossed his face as he nodded. You narrowed your eyes and hissed at him before turning on your heel. As he followed you out of the alleyway, he picked his backpack up from the ground. You cast a glance over your shoulder. "Better be glad that no one stole it." The soldier's grip tightened on the bag as he rolled his eyes. 

You slammed your shoulder into the apartment door, stumbling as it finally swung open. You looked up at the soldier, who merely raised a brow at you as he entered. You sheepishly explained that the door always gets stuck and noticed a smirk start to form on his face again. You scoffed and slammed the door shut. "Ya know, I could've just left you on the streets," you huffed. The soldier surveyed the small apartment. It wasn't much, but you were glad to call it home. It was a studio apartment. There was a small kitchen area, a couch, and a coffee table one one side. The other side was your "bedroom," complete with a bed and nightstand. The soldier turned to face you.

"Thank you." You blinked, slightly caught off guard. You cleared your throat.

"Uh, no problem. Since we kind of got off on the wrong foot, I think we should start over." You sat on your bed. You motioned for him to sit on the couch. He furrowed his brows but complied. You took a breath before introducing yourself. Not as the Huntress, a slave bound to Hydra, but as you. The woman who was trying to start over and forget her past. The soldier glanced at his bag then at you.

"My name is Bucky... Bucky Barnes." You smiled. In that moment, he was no longer the Winter Soldier, Hydra's favorite toy. He was simply a man who was lost, trying to remember his past.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well we're jumping head first into the romance with this one because I'm an impatient ass who just wants to hurry up and get into the main plot XP

You originally thought that Bucky was only going to stay for a night or two. That, apparently, was not the case. He would sometimes disappear during the day then return late at night. You never asked what he did because, honestly, you just wanted to mind your own business. Lord knows that you wouldn't want anyone snooping into your private affairs. In return for letting him stay, he would try to help you out. It was actually kind of adorable, or at least to you it was. Whenever he was home alone, he would do the dishes or tidy up the apartment. He even fixed the front door. Every once in a while, he would go grocery shopping so you wouldn't have to. 

In a span of a few months, you two became dependant on each other. There weren't many out there who could actually understand what either of you had been through. The other seemed like one of the only people that could be trusted. If something happened, you always knew that the other would have your back. Needless to say, you had begun to develop feelings for the super soldier. You tried to beat back the emotions with a broom or stuff them in a box then throw them into a nearby river, but they just kept coming back. It sucked, having a crush on your roommate. The smallest things left you all flustered; him laughing at one of your stupid jokes, or even just him smiling at you. It was torture. You didn't know how he was still so oblivious to your obvious crush on him. Either he didn't realize it or he just chose to ignore it.

You balanced two large bags of produce in your hands. Sticking out your tongue in concentration, you somehow managed to get the door open. You kicked it closed and dropped the bags on the kitchen counter. Bucky was sitting on the couch, writing in one of his many journals. "Hey, Bucky, while I was out buying some food, I overheard someone talking about plums being good for the mind and your memory and all that jazz, so I bought a couple for you." Bucky stood, making his way into the kitchen. He plucked a plum from one of the bags and returned to the couch without a word. You furrowed your brows, placing a hand on your hip. "You okay?" He nodded, rolling the fruit from one hand to the other. 

"What was your life like... before Hydra?" You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment. With him trying to piece together his own past, he was bound to ask about yours.

"I didn't have one." Bucky looked at you, confused. "As you already know, I was one of their genetic experiments... one of the only ones that turned out halfway normal and survived to adulthood. I was basically grown in a lab, and I didn't know about life outside of Hydra." You opened your eyes to find him staring at you. You bit the inside of your cheek. "Before you ask, no. I don't know for sure what all is in my DNA. I'm pretty sure that there's some cheetah and jaguar bits in there, but that's about all I know." Bucky looked away for a moment. He then stood from the couch and stood near the small kitchen.

"Do you want a normal life?" Now, it was your turn to be confused.

"What do you mean?"

"A normal life. You know... find a partner, maybe have kids, and live without having to worry about the government busting down your door one day." You shrugged, lightly scoffing.

"I'm perfectly content with the way things are now." Bucky's gaze returned to you. His breath got caught in his throat. Hell, he hadn't felt this skittish around a girl since he was a teenager. He had been telling himself to make a move for weeks now, but he just couldn't bring himself to do anything. "Besides, life without a little danger can get pretty boring, right?" You winked at him. You nervously chewed on your lip, waiting to see what his reaction would be. Bucky tilted his head and stepped towards you. 

"And what would you think about a life with me?" Your breath hitched as you stared into his baby blue eyes. It never occurred to you how intense they were.

"Bucky Barnes, are you trying to ask me out?" you clarified. He smirked, and butterflies erupted in your stomach. "Because if you are, then I would gladly accept your offer." A bright smile crossed his face. He stepped closer and froze. His eyes searched your own, silently asking if it was okay for him to touch you. When you smiled up at him, Bucky wrapped his arms around you in the biggest bear hug. Your body flushed against his as you melted into his touch. The two of you gazed at each other for a moment. You leaned forward and pecked the corner of his lips. A smirk danced across your features as a soft purr escaped your throat. Bucky cupped your face. He pressed his forehead against yours.

"You're a little tease, aren't you?"


	5. Chapter 5

You crouched in the darkness. You carefully eyed your prey. The hulking figure had just entered the apartment. You hardly dared to breathe as you adjusted your grip on the weapon in your fist. He felt along the wall until his hand bumped into the light switch. You silently began the countdown. The moment the lights flickered to life, you would reveal yourself and launch the carefully planned attack. You bit your lip. This was the moment you had been waiting all week for. "Surprise, bitch!" you screeched, pointing the end of your weapon into the air. You quickly pulled the short string, and confetti shot into the air with a loud pop. A goofy smile spread across your face. Bucky blinked, clearly not as amused. He held his hands behind his back.

"That's gonna be a pain in the ass to clean up." You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You turned towards the kitchen, picking up a glass pan. 

"I'm not the best cook, but, hey, I tried." Bucky glanced at the dessert in your hands. It was a sort of brownie or cake, coated with powdered sugar. 

"Is that... wacky cake?" You beamed. 

"Yeah! I wanted to do something special, so I looked up some recipes from the thirties." Bucky pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

"You're the best," he murmured in your ear. Bucky pulled his hands out from behind his back, revealing a small bunch of flowers. "Happy anniversary." You smiled, taking the flowers into your hands. You shuffled through the kitchen, searching for a glass to put them in.

"Hard to believe it's been a year, huh?" As you placed the vase of flowers on the counter, Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist. He nuzzled his face into your neck.

"Best year of my life." You patted his head, running your hand through his hair. The two of you stood there for a minute, just enjoying the comfort of each other.

"We should go do something fun. There's going to be a farmer's market a couple blocks down. We should go check it out." Bucky hummed but didn't move. You sighed. "They'll have plums."

"Alright, you persuaded me. Let's go."

The two of you brushed through the crowd. Bucky kept a hand on the small of your back, making sure that you didn't get separated. Dozens of people littered the square. Vendors lined the sidewalks. Each booth had something unique to offer. You gasped in excitement upon spotting a stand with plums. Grabbing Bucky's hand, you tugged him towards it. He laughed at your childish antics but followed along. The vendor welcomed the two of you with a warm smile and claimed to have the best fruits in all of Romania. "Va trebui să aflăm pentru noi înșine," you joked. The man's bushy mustache wiggled as he laughed. Bucky picked through the plums until he found a couple ripe ones. The vendor bagged the fruits as you handed him the money. 

Bucky tucked the bag under his arm and followed you around. You pointed out various items and somehow managed to come up with a pun for nearly everything. As you continued to wander around, something felt off. Every once in a while, you'd catch people staring and conversing in hushed tones. When you caught their gaze, they would quickly turn away. You glanced up at Bucky and realized that he had noticed it too. His grip around your hand tightened. "We should probably head back home," he muttered. You nodded. As the two of you started to walk past a magazine stand, you stopped and eyed a newspaper. 

"Bucky, look at this," you breathed. You gingerly lifted the newspaper. Worry flashed across your features. His face hardened as he furrowed his brows. Bucky tugged you away from the standing.

"We need to go." He marched through the crowd, leading you alongside himself. You couldn't shake fear's icy grip from your chest. Your mind was running wild. He had been living a quiet life for some time now. Why did someone just all of a sudden frame him for a terrorist attack? You tried to think of something that would help the situation. True, Bucky had an alibi with you, but there was no way the government would believe a word you, his girlfriend, said. Maybe you could try to contact Natasha and Clint. They helped you get out of trouble in the past, surely they could help again.

The two of you bounded up the stairs, rushing to reach the safety and comfort your small apartment provided. As you neared the front door, you froze, eyes going wide. You sucked in a deep breath. No. They beat the two of you there. You grabbed Bucky's arm. Your gaze never left from the door. "Someone's in there." Adrenaline was being pumped through your veins as your heart began to thunder in your chest. The two of you had worked so hard to create a peaceful life. Of course, the universe would stir up some trouble to ruin that. 

Bucky pushed you behind himself. "Stay back." You nodded, clinching your fists. He quietly opened the door. Hopefully, the commotion of market day would mask the sound of your entrance. The two of you crept onward. Your eyes narrowed at the sight of a tall man standing in your kitchen area. He picked up one of Bucky's journals and began to inspect it. A rush of anger flooded through you. This guy had no right to break into your shared apartment and go through Bucky's personal belongings. Before you could stop yourself, a low growl escaped your lips. Bucky held an arm out to stop you from charging the intruder. He quickly turned around to face the two of you. He took in a shaky breath.

"Do you know me?" 

"You're Steve. I read about you in a museum." Bucky avoided eye contact. You took his hand into your own, rubbing small circles with your thumb. He was finally confronting his past, and you wanted to support him the whole way through it. You caught his lie but didn't want to call him out on it. Luckily for you, you didn't have to. Steve easily called his bluff. Bucky squared his shoulders.

"I wasn't in Vienna." He looked over at you before turning his gaze to Steve. "I don't do that anymore." Steve glanced at you.

"I'm glad you found someone, Buck, but the people who think you did are coming here now. They're not planning on taking you alive." It was almost as if Bucky deflated. His shoulders slumped, and a defeated expression settled into his features. He muttered something about how it always ends in a fight. 

"Hey." You cupped his face. "We'll be okay. We've got each other's backs, remember?" He placed his hand on top of yours. A sad smile tugged on his lips. 

"This is one hell of an anniversary, huh?"

"What's life without a little danger?" you joked. You tensed, angling your head towards the front door. You could hear shouting followed by thundering footsteps. "They're in the hall," you whispered. Bucky sighed and pulled off one of his gloves, revealing his metal hand.

Suddenly, a flashbang broke through the window. It landed in the middle of the floor, and Bucky punted it across the room. Steve shoved it under his shield, allowing it to explode harmlessly. You quickly analyzed the room for anything useful. Bucky launched a table towards the front door, while you flipped up the mattress. Another flashbang broke through, but this time it bounced back outside. Soldiers began to bust in through every possible way. You ran towards the couch, using it as leverage. You jumped off of it and swung your legs at a soldier busting in through one of the already broken windows. The blow landed square in his chest, causing him to fumble backward and out of the apartment. "Bucky, we need to go. Now!" He nodded, but Steve grabbed his shoulder. He yelled at Bucky to stop, but Bucky flipped Steve to the ground. He shoved his metal fist through the floorboards and retrieved a backpack. Bucky through it off of the balcony and onto a building below.

"I'm not going to kill anyone," he assured. Bucky looked to you and nodded. Soldiers continued to flood the apartment. This time, they were given the orders to fire at will. You swore before throwing yourself into the mix. Your fists collided with the tough padding their uniforms offered. You tried to hold your own, but you were outmatched. You didn't have a metal arm or a shield to help protect you from the bullets. You had claws and inhumane agility and speed. Quite frankly, none of those were very helpful in the current situation. A soldier kicked you in the gut. Pain blossomed in your abdomen as you stumbled to the floor. You tried to spring back to your feet, but an unknown force knocked you back down. You yelped in pain, bringing your hand to your collarbone. When you brought it back, your fingers were red with blood. The violence around you blurred as you searched for Bucky. A chirping sound escaped your throat. You heard him shout your name. The pain amplified as you saw how worried he was. "Come on, let's get you out of here." He helped you onto his back. He kept a tight grip on your legs as you loosely wrapped your arms around his shoulders. "I've got you. You're gonna be okay." It seemed as if he was trying to convince himself than you. Steve shielded the two of you from the oncoming fire of the soldiers who continued to breach your apartment. Bucky rushed over to the open balcony door. You eyed the distance between your current standing and the roof of the building below.

"You're kidding."

"Trust me, doll. Ready?" You grumbled a smartass comment under your breath, and Bucky took it as a yes. 

He launched the two of you off of the balcony. Your heart jumped into your throat at the sudden free fall. You buried your face into his neck. Bucky landed with a loud thud. He grunted, struggling to maintain balance. He finally regained his footing and snatched up his backpack, taking off into a sprint. You glanced up with a sigh. "Thank goodness, for a second there I thought-" The attack came from behind. The two of you were knocked to the ground. You clutched your wound, shouting a string of swears into the air. Your chest was heaving. Damn, it even hurt to breathe. You tried to sit up and figure out what was going on, but a volcano of pain erupted. The pain seemed blinding as tears sprung to your eyes. The chirping sound escaped from your lips once more.

The unknown attacker pinned Bucky to the ground. He attempted to go in for the final blow, but Bucky managed to catch his wrists just inches away from his face. His breath got caught in his throat when he heard you. You were hurt and scared. He wanted nothing more than to scoop you into his arms and just fix everything. At the moment, there wasn't much he could do, but he could let you know that he was okay. Bucky pursed his lips and whistled. You sighed in relief when he returned your call. Bucky managed to somehow get the upper hand. He kicked the attacker, causing him to flip over the edge of the roof. Bucky knew that it was only a matter of a few short minutes until he returned. He helped you climb onto his back, and the two of you were off once more.

"Is he still following us?" You winced in pain as you cast a glance over your shoulder. You turned to continue watching where Bucky was running.

"Yeah, he's gaining ground. It'll hurt like hell, but I can still run."

"No."

"Come on, Bucky! It won't be long before he catches up to us. I'll only be slowing things down if you continue to carry me around." Bucky jumped down into an underground parking garage. He huffed, letting you stand on your own.

"One stumble, and I'm throwing you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes." 

He grabbed your hand, and the two of you ran side by side. Your face contorted with pain, but you pushed through it. The attacker was still behind you, and Steve was behind him. In the distance, police sirens wailed. The two of you weaved between cars as you tried to shake the attacker as well as the police. You never actually timed it, but you were sure that it was every three seconds Bucky asked if you were okay. Up ahead, someone was driving a motorcycle in your direction. Bucky momentarily let go of your hand and charged onward. He grabbed the bike's handles and flipped it through the air, perfectly landing in the seat. You plopped down behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist. "That was so fucking hot." Bucky barked a laugh.

"I try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the chirping bit confused anyone, allow me to provide some clarity :3
> 
> Cheetahs are one of the breeds of large cats that can't actually roar; however, they make a chirping sound that sounds similar to a bird. They usually do this when separated from one another or in times of trouble. I thought it would be a cute/interesting thing to integrate into the story because it would kind of be like the reader's little way of communication with Bucky, something that only they would understand? Idk if that makes sense lol I have an odd mind :P


	6. Chapter 6

The first time he tried to attack from behind, he caught you both off guard. It was a successful attack. This time, you were watching him. You anticipated it. "Oh, shit, here he comes." You ducked as the man in the black catsuit flung himself at the two of you. Bucky shot his arm out and grabbed him by the neck. He tried to throw him backward, but the cat man clung onto Bucky's arm. The motorcycle started to topple over. The only thing keeping it from hitting the ground was Bucky's metal hand scrapping across the ground, leaving a wake of sparks behind them. You growled, tired of whoever this dude was. You swung your leg, kicking him in the side. He grunted and lost his grip on the motorcycle. He fell behind. Bucky pushed the bike back into an upright position, gunning it. Next thing you knew, there was an explosion, and you were on the ground again, screaming more curses into the air. You gripped your bloodied shirt. You had scrapes and bruises galore, not to mention the bullet wound that was oozing blood from your chest. Bucky quickly knelt beside you and helped you sit up. Steve protectively stood in between the two of you and the cat man. "Ah, fucking hell," you hissed. Police cars surrounded you. Another man in a metal suit of armor landed before the group. You struggled to stand. Bucky tried to get you to stay down, but you waved him off. You swayed on your feet. "You, good sir, are a fucking cunt," you directed the insult to the cat man. It was evident that you had lost way too much blood already. You leaned against Bucky for support. 

Soldiers surrounded the lot of you. They tore you apart from Bucky. He yelled at them to be careful because you were injured. They responded by shoving him on his face. You growled at the ones who put their hands on him. The whole group was placed in handcuffs. The soldiers stripped everyone of their weapons and pushed you all into an armored truck. You leaned back in the seat, head lolling. 

As soon as they arrived at wherever the hell they took you, you were ushered into an infirmary. They patched up your wounds, gave you a clean shirt, and stuck a needle in your arm. It was attached to a bag containing blood. You groaned, feeling like absolute shit. You tugged on your wrists, annoyed that they handcuffed you to the bed. A small grin quirked at the corners of your lips as a familiar red-head entered the pristine room. "Looks like the cat got dragged in," she teased. You leaned your head back with a sigh.

"How much trouble am I in?"

"Well, I managed to advocate for you. They're letting you off the hook, for this time at least." You muttered a thanks, fiddling with the hem of your new shirt. She carefully took your wrists into her hands and unlocked the handcuffs. You rolled the joints with a sigh of relief. "Come on." You furrowed your brows at her.

"But what about..." you trailed off, pointing to the IV bag handing next to you. 

"The thing has wheels, doesn't it?" You rolled your eyes as you swung your legs over the side of the bed, slowly standing. Your whole body ached, but you followed her anyways.

Steve and a man you hadn't met yet were sitting in an office with glass walls. They both seemed surprised to see you. Steve quickly pulled out a chair, and you gratefully accepted the offer to sit. "Shouldn't you be resting?" You shrugged, grimacing at the needle in your arm.

"I've dealt with worse." The other man cleared his throat, looking between you and Steve. He motioned to the man sitting across from you. Steve introduced him as Sam, also known as the Falcon. You introduced yourself.

"Now, we've got two cat people." You scoffed, slightly taking offense at his comment. "What's your codename? Is it Kitty or Kitten?" He leaned forward interested. You felt your eye twitch.

"The Huntress," you answered simply. You turned to face Steve. "Where did they take him?" 

"They locked him up in one of the lower levels." He reached forward pressing a button on a control panel in the middle of the table. A monitor in the corner of the room turned on. Bucky was in what looked like a portable glass cage. He was bound to a chair. The only part of his body he could freely move was his head and hands. Your heart broke at the sight of him.

"We have to get him out. We have to get him out of there as soon as possible." Steve sighed your name, rubbing his face.

"There's nothing we can do right now."

"You don't understand... none of you do." You tried to keep your voice from wavering and tears from spilling over. 

"I do understand. I hate seeing him locked up too, but we-" you cut him off.

"No, that's not it." You turned to face him, eyes narrowing. "This is exactly what Hydra did. They locked us in cages. We..." you paused, clearing your throat, "I promised that I would let it happen again, not as long as I'm in the picture." Steve's eyes filled with pity. You looked past him, watching a blonde woman walk into the room. 

She handed Sam a piece of paper. You returned to your seat as he began to complain about his armor being called a bird costume. The woman and Steve started talking. He brought up the possibility of him being framed. Steve pointed out valid evidence that led the woman to believe him. She pressed another button on the control panel, and the monitor's speakers switched on. They carefully watched the screen until the power cut out. Red lights flashed over your head. You bit your lip as you carefully pulled out the needle stuck to your arm. "Hey, what're you doing?" Sam questioned, clearly concerned. 

"Something's going on. I have to make sure Bucky is okay." You stood a little too quickly and nearly fell. Steve caught you by the arm and eased you back into your seat. 

"Stay here before you get yourself hurt. Sam and I will go down there." You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose in attempted to clear your mind. When you opened them again, you saw Natasha walking beside another man. You recognized this one to be Tony Stark. You pushed yourself out of your seat and dashed after them.

"Hold on, who is this? Wasn't she with Barnes?" Tony inquired, eyeing at you warily.

"She's with me." Natasha put a hand on you and stared Tony down, daring him to challenge either one of you. Tony huffed and continued walking. Natasha shook her head and followed him. 

They didn't hesitate to leap into action. They dove straight into the heat of the fight. You hung back. The man they fought wasn't Bucky Barnes, the man you had begun to fall in love with; it was the Winter Soldier, and he was able to fight them both off. You tentatively stepped into the open area. A chirp sounded throughout the courtyard. He turned to face you. His was breathing heavily, like a crazed animal. You chirped again, slowly stepping closer. The Winter Soldier narrowed his eyes at you and matched your gait. He roughly grabbed the collar of your shirt. You put your hands around his wrist but didn't fight back. "This isn't you." You spoke softly. Your gaze never left his. Something flashed across his eyes, but it disappeared as fast as it came. "Please, Simbuck, remember who you are." You watched his expression. You had hoped that one of your corny jokes might break through to him. 

"Shut up," he growled. You chirped. His nose wrinkled. "Shut up!" he snarled, baring his teeth and tightening his grip on your shirt. He started to lift you off of the ground.

"Bucky, please, just listen-" The Winter Soldier had enough. He threw you to the ground and stormed off. You watched him go, unable to bring yourself to go fight him. The cat man, whom you had learned was called T'Challa, lunged out of hiding. He, like the others, didn't hesitate to fight. He managed to land a few blows, but the Winter Soldier still got away.

You sat on the floor, staring off into space. You had never experienced him like this. You desperately wanted to help him, but you just weren't sure how. You blinked slowly, realizing that someone was crouching in front of you. It was T'Challa. He apologized, stating that he had never meant to harm you. You shrugged, not really in the mood to talk. "You really care about Barnes, don't you?" You met his gaze. A sad smile crept across your face as you nodded.

"Bucky is one of the only people out there who understands what I've been through, so we help each other. But that man... that wasn't him. It was a completely different person, wearing him like a mask." You looked down at your lap. 

"We may be on opposing sides, but I wish you the best of luck." The Wakandan stood and left you sitting there, alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil short but sweet chapter :3 hope you enjoy!!

Sam was the one who got you to leave your spot on the floor. He informed you that Steve fought the Winter Soldier, causing the two to take a nosedive into the nearby river. Steve managed to pull himself and the unconscious soldier out of the water. He asked Sam to collect you and meet them at an abandoned junkyard not too far from the precinct you currently sat in. You followed Sam with no hesitation whatsoever. When the two of you arrived, Steve had the Winter Soldier's arm trapped inside some sort of... machine. The three of you stood in silence, and you were the first one to break it. You informed the boys that you needed some air. Steve nodded in understanding, watching you walk out. 

You wandered around the junkyard, careful not to stray too far into the open, lest one of the many helicopters in the area spotted you. You huffed, kicking a piece of scrap metal. You hated seeing him the way he was. It absolutely drove you out of your mind. You ran a hand through your hair with a sigh. Tilting your head towards the central building, you heard their muffled voices. Hope swelled in your chest as you made your way to the front door. Maybe he was back to normal. There wasn't any angry yelling, so you clung to your hope like a life preserver. You quietly entered, listening carefully. Relief flooded through your body when you heard Bucky ask where you were and if you were okay. You chirped. 

Bucky sat up. Steve and Sam looked at each other, confused. Bucky pursed his lips in a whistle. Within seconds, you appeared in the doorway. A bright smile graced your features. Bucky breathed your name, and you practically tackled him with a hug. He held you close as he muttered an apology over and over again. Steve and Sam shared a look, leaving the two of you alone. Bucky cupped your face and pressed his lips against yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours. A purr escaped your throat as you placed your hands on top of his. "I love you." He whispered the confession so quietly you almost had a hard time believing he even said it. You absolutely melted.

"I love you too."

A soft smile graced Bucky's lips. You gently ran your hand through his hair, while he rubbed your cheek with his thumb. He fretted over your previous injuries, but you brushed them off, focusing on him. You didn't want to think about all the chaos that awaited outside. You just wanted to enjoy this quiet moment, alone with him. "Alright, lovebirds!" Sam's voiced echoed throughout the warehouse. "It's time to go. There searching the area, and we need to leave before they find us here." You took Bucky's cool, metal hand into your own. The two of you left the temporary sanctuary, ready to brave what was to come next.

"You're kidding, right?" You crossed your arms, staring at Steve with a dubious expression. The super soldier shrugged, he claimed it to be low profile. "If anything, we'll stand out more in that thing."

"That's what I told 'em, but it's the only car we could get to run around here," Sam explained. You looked to Bucky, and he just shrugged.

"Alright, let's go."

The three of you piled into the old, rusted Voltswagon Beetle. You and Bucky were smushed into the backseat. Steve drove, while Sam got shotgun. The four of you sat in uncomfortable silence. After what felt like an eternity, which turned out to be less than half an hour, you leaned your head back and groaned. The three men looked at you curiously. You complained about being bored. Sam fiddled with the radio for a minute and finally managed to get it somewhat working. Static mostly filled the air, but the song playing was easily recognizable; Bohemian Rhapsody. Your face lit up like a small child who just found their favorite toy. You excitedly patted Bucky's shoulder. He smiled and rolled his eyes, knowing that the other two were in for a treat. "This is one of my favorite songs!" You then began to sing along to the music that thrummed through the speakers. Without a moment's hesitation, Sam joined in. It didn't take the two super soldiers long to sing along too. Soon enough, you were all trying to replicate the operatic section of the song, failing miserably. But, hey, everyone had fun. Who cares if your singing sucks as long as you're enjoying the moment? After the song finished, everyone quietly listened to the various songs the radio played. A content grin settled on your face as you leaned your head on Bucky's shoulder. Fatigue finally settled in. After the day's events, it's not surprising that you fell asleep as soon as you were able to.


	8. Chapter 8

"I swear if we do not get out of this car soon, I'm going to go absolutely mental." You grimaced, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. Bucky started to laugh but quickly turned it into a cough when you turned to glare at him.

"Well, it looks like someone woke up grumpy," Sam teased.

"Fuck off, bird boy."

"Right back at ya, kitty cat."

"Language, you two," Steve scolded. Bucky furrowed his brows.

"Steve, you had one of the worst mouths back in Brooklyn," he scoffed. Steve opened his mouth then closed it. He didn't have anything to defend himself. You sniggered, and Sam smirked over at Steve. 

"Really? That's interesting 'cause I would sure like to hear a couple more embarrassing stories about Stevie over here if you've got any." A mischevious grin spread across Bucky's face. Steve's eyes widened.

"Buck, you wouldn't dare."

"Oh, I've got plenty. Where should I start..." he trailed off, tapping his chin. You and Sam leaned forward eagerly, while Steve shouted his protests. "Everyone knows that he was always sick as a kid, right? Well, most people don't know about the illness he struggles with to this day." You shared a look with Sam before returning your attention to Bucky. "Yeah, it's called Dumbass Disease, and apparently it's incurable." He started to go on, but you all lurched forward as Steve slammed the breaks on the tiny car. 

"Alright, everyone out," he ordered, shifting the car into park. Bucky held a victorious smirk as the two of you clamored out of the backseat. 

The parking garage was almost completely deserted. You hovered near Bucky, carefully eyeing your surroundings. The only car in the area, besides Steve's beetle, was a white van. Steve and Sam approached the vehicle with no hesitation, while you and Bucky hung back. "I slept through Steve explaining the plan, didn't I?" Bucky shook his head, claiming that you have the attention span of a goldfish. "Sorry, what was that? I wasn't paying attention." He rolled his eyes and gave a painfully fake laugh. You turned to face the van upon hearing an old, familiar voice. You rounded the car and surprised Clint with a hug, an action that he quickly reciprocated.

"Geez, kid, what're you doing here?" You pulled away from him, nodding towards Bucky.

"Well, when your partner takes on the government, you gotta help." Clint looked between you and Bucky.

"No way." You nodded, a slight smirk toying the corner of your lips. You turned your head to look at the girl who stood beside Clint. He introduced the two of you, and you gave her a warm smile before returning to your perch beside Bucky.

Steve asked about a new recruit, and Clint slid open the van's side door to reveal a man who had just woken up from a nap. He groaned as he climbed out of his seat, asking what time zone it was. You nodded in understanding. Clint urged him forward. The man introduced himself and not so subtly geeked out about meeting the famed Captain America. You snorted when Scott reached forward to feel Steve's biceps. Bucky reminded the group that you all should get going. As if on cue, a siren began to shriek throughout the parking garage. They came to the realization that Tony had evacuated the airport, meaning that none of you were going to leave without a fight. 

Sam opened up the beetle's trunk. The three amigos gathered up their gear, while you just leaned against the small car. Bucky pulled you off to the side. His eyes were full of worry. "I don't want you going out there and fighting." You scoffed, ready to argue, but he held up a hand. You closed your mouth and crossed your arms, waiting to hear what he had to say. "Yesterday was hell. You got shot then thrown around like a ragdoll. I wouldn't doubt it if Stark didn't bring his own backup. If you go out there, there's no telling what could happen."

"Bucky, I understand your concern, but this is a risk I'm more than willing to take."

"I just... I just don't want you getting hurt again, okay?" You brought a hand to his cheek, and he melted into your touch. After a moment, Bucky sighed. "I can't make you sit out, but if you go out there, then I want you by my side so I'll know that you're okay." You nodded.

"Deal."


	9. Chapter 9

You stared up at the glass ceiling, trapped in a cocoon made of who knows what. How you ended up there? You don't even know. It all happened so fast. Not to mention, it was a kid that took you down. A kid... and he somehow managed to take down two ex-Hydra assassins and a special ops veteran. It took far too long to figure out how to free yourselves from the sticky substance. You all agreed to never mention it again.

You rolled your shoulders with a grimace. Your wounds from the previous day were still healing, and all this action made them hurt like hell. You, Bucky, and Steve were crouching behind some large equipment. Scott had some sort of plan to distract the opposing forces, and you tried to keep yourself from laughing when he apparently forgot that his mic was still on, telling himself that he's the boss. Next thing you knew, Scott had turned himself into a giant. Your jaw dropped when he snatched someone from the air, giggling like a child who just got away with something they know they aren't supposed to be doing. "I, uh, guess that's the signal," you concluded. Bucky grabbed your hand and tugged you after him. The two of you followed Steve through the airport-turned-warzone.

The only person that stood between the three of you and the jet was Natasha. She muttered something about regrets and aimed her wrist blaster. Your muscles tensed. A certain scent entered your system. She wasn't aiming at either of you; she was aiming at the attacker from behind. A million thoughts ran through your mind. If Natasha kept the Black Panther at bay long enough for the three of you to escape, then she would be seen as a criminal. She would be on the run, just like she was from Hydra all those years ago. She helped you escape, so you figured it was time to help her from needing an escape. You pulled away from Bucky, grabbing Steve's arm. Your gaze was filled with urgency. "I need you to trust me. Whatever happens, drag him onto that jet and take off. Got it?" He opened his mouth, but you didn't give him time to respond. 

You whirled around, swinging your leg in an attack. Your foot came into contact with Natasha's side. Any other day, she could have easily blocked your attack, but she saw through your plan. Natasha stumbled to the ground, feigning surprise. As you turned to face T'Challa, you shouted at Bucky and Steve to hurry up and go. Bucky protested, as expected, but Steve did as you ordered. He gave Bucky no option, dragging him into the jet. You narrowed your eyes at the Black Panther and snarled. "This here town ain't big enough for two cat people," you said in your best yet also worst southern accent. The royal charged, and you fully expected him to fight you. Instead, he leapt over you and grabbed onto the jet's landing gear as it hovered over your heads. You scoffed and jumped after him. You latched onto his legs and clung to him like a koala bear. "Would you just let go already?" T'Challa grunted as he struggled to hold onto the aircraft under your combined weight. A flash of blue light hit T'Challa between the shoulder blades. His body convulsed as he yelped in pain. The two of you tumbled to the ground. Your attention snapped to Natasha. A light smirk crossed her lips.

"What the hell was that? You let them get away!" T'Challa snarled as he got back to his feet. He pulled his helmet off, narrowing his eyes at the red-head. She shrugged innocently.

"Sorry, I missed."

It didn't take their reinforcements long to arrive and arrest everybody. There was hardly any resistance. Everyone knew it was coming. You twisted your wrists and grimaced as the metal handcuffs dug into your skin. You chewed on the inside of your cheek and couldn't help but worry about what the future had to hold for both you and Bucky. With a deep breath, you raised your chin and swallowed down your worries. You weren't going to give any of these government officials the satisfaction of seeing you worried. Luckily for you, they didn't. Instead, they saw you have a whole emotional breakdown. 

Everyone who fought alongside Steve had to be moved to a "secure location," meaning that you all were being placed in a maximum security prison until further notice. The moment you were ushered into the containment area, all the walls you had carefully been building up came tumbling down. Your hands suddenly became sweaty as you eyed the cell in front of you. Your heart thundered in your chest, and you dug your heels into the ground. No, not again. You were not going into a cage again. Last time, you were left to rot. There's no telling what they would do to you now. "Move along," one of the guards ordered, but you could hardly hear them over your own thoughts. "Come on, don't give us any shit. Just get in the cell already." Your face contorted.

"No." A pair of gloved hands roughly grabbed your shoulders. You couldn't seem to catch a breath. As you attempted to wrench yourself away from the guards, their shouts became muffled-- almost as if someone had filled your ears with cotton. A familiar face filled your field of vision. He held his hands up where you could see them.

"Hey, kid, it's gonna be okay. Don't fight back. I know this is freaking you out. I know this reminds you of things you never wanted to think about again, but just calm down. Take a breather." Clint's eyes narrowed at the two guards who had been trying to restrain you. "Get your hands off of her, assholes." They glanced over at their commander who nodded, keeping his hand on the weapon at his hip. The guards slowly peeled their hands off of you, and your knees buckled. 

Luckily, Clint was there to make sure you didn't hit the ground. Your chest was heaving, and your heart was still running around a racetrack. He muttered reassurances as he walked you to your cell. As soon as you stepped inside the small area, a guard pulled him away, allowing the cell door to lower. You backed into a corner, lowering yourself to the floor. You hugged your knees to your chest, eyes staring off into space, not really focusing on anything. A small chirp exited your lips, and only silence answered.

 

 

Scott smooshed his face against the cell's glass door. His eyes narrowed, surveying the area outside the cell. "What the hell was that noise? How did a bird get in here? Aren't we, like, a million miles away from land?" Sam scoffed and shook his head. Scott craned his neck in attempt to see the others. "No one's gonna answer me? Okay. Alright. That's cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof my dudes, sorry it's been so long since I last updated :/ I'll try to be more active but school is STRESSFUL
> 
> and yes I am aware that this chapter isn't the greatest but ya know we all have our off days
> 
>  
> 
> also if you get the 'cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool' reference, you're amazing

**Author's Note:**

> credit to @incorrectbucko on twitter for the "dumbass disease" part :3


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